White Butterflies

Has anyone/ everyone noticed that White Butterflies are everywhere right now?   I love Butterflies and I am in delight when I see them prancing and dancing among the flowers.  I especially love when I see two White Butterflies dancing together - seeing Butterflies makes my heart sing.

It is perfect to be seeing and enjoying the beauty of Butterflies - a symbol of change and transformation - timely for me and most probably true for many as we journey towards the end of 2010, towards 2011.

I am very Excited to be finished my Diploma of Transformational Coaching Course.  It has been an amazing, AMAZING Course.  I am very Grateful for my Teachers who have Inspired me and helped me be the best Life Coach that I can be and have taught me the importance of Self-Reflection as an opportunity to keep learning and growing - and Inspired me through their commitment to study. 

And I am also very Grateful that I belong to a Community of wonderful women who have made the experience of becoming a Life Coach so rich and alive and meaningful and real.

Our final weekend for our Course was a chance for Self-Reflection and Honouring, Sharing, Transition and Celebration.  I loved the opportunity to create a Journey Stick, choosing a stick from Nature and decorating it with colour, representing where we have been and where we are going to - our Past and our Future.  And I loved having the symbol of the Butterfly on my Journey Stick. 

I felt like it was the ‘Love Fest’ - so much Love, Heart-Felt Acknowledgement, Warmth, Authenticity, Presence, Connection, Community.  When I talk about Spread The Yellow, this was it - the exchange of Love, Light, Positive Energy, seeing the Light and Spirit in each other - WOW!!!  On the final day of our Course I loved that our Teachers set up a Threshold to represent this time of Transition - Completion of our study and Forward Movement to a new time in our lives. As we were walking down the stairs towards the Threshold, I was looking around at all of the beauty, aliveness, incredible-ness in each of my fellow Soul Sisters and I felt so Excited - Excited at the difference we can make in the world.  May we be the White Butterflies prancing and dancing among the flowers.

With the White Butterfly a symbol of Transformation, this is true in so many ways for me (apart from finishing my Course).  It is interesting as the last two years has highlighted the importance of Balance for me - Balance of Personal and Professional, Doing and Being, Solitude and Intimacy, Activity and Relaxing.  I am Excited that although I love Coaching and love working with people on their Journey - I am also committed to my own Journey, my own life, my own life separate from my lifework.  Two years ago I never would have guessed that I would be here planning my wedding, finally letting go of relationships that did not serve me, and being open to True Love. 

This year sharing Christmas Day together and together with our Families was very special.  Although My Man and I exchanged so many Gifts and there were so much Gift giving with my Nieces - my favourite Gift of all is that of being together - it is what I appreciate the most.  We enjoyed a beautiful, relaxing lunch with My Man's Mum and I was so happy that my Mum and Dad were also guests for lunch.  

 

And after enjoying the relaxing day, we then entered the chaos of time with my Brother, Sister-In-Law and my three beautiful Nieces - and I loved it all!!!  Presents, giggles, hugs, kisses, laughter.  And more food!

And time on the trampoline - the new trampoline that Santa brought my Nieces.  I love My Nieces - they are White Butterflies in my life - dancing and prancing and so in the moment.

For me Love and Family are the most important and I am Grateful that my Coaching Course also helped me come Home to my Self - where I feel relaxed, at peace and HAPPY.  Meditations from our Final Course at College and the experience of creating our Journey Stick, highlighted to me that I was once a person chasing Happiness, so busy being busy, busy chasing Love - now I AM HAPPY, now I AM LOVE.  Now I AM.  Now I AM ME.

It is definitely a time of Change and Transformation - the merging of our two Families and the creating of our own Family.  We are getting married in 12 weeks and there is much to do - and we are also looking forward to having our own baby - now that will be most wonderful!!! 

And I want to be like the White Butterflies - just enjoying the flowers, the sunshine, the freedom of being alive, the joy of being me, the joy of being in relationship.  We have a poster in our living area that speaks to my heart and is a great reminder of what to bring into each and every day "Live - Laugh - Love".

The ironic thing tonight is that as I am about to publish this Blog about White Butterflies, there are two small moths flying around our home, flying close to me.  I have never been a fan of moths and yet they are so similar to Butterflies (and very different) - as I am reminded by My Man.  It is interesting, Google tells me that Butterflies fly during the day and moths fly during the night - and without doubt this is symbolic of one of my other greatest learnings of the last two years - that there is Light and Dark, day and night, sunshine and rain - and I can be with all - I can be with the Paradox - I can be with Joy, I can be with Pain.  Perhaps it is true that I most delight when I am in the Light and see the Butterfly - I have a natural tendency to move towards the Positive and the sunshine - this is my nature and my strength as a Life Coach.  And I have learnt to be in Sacred Space with sorrow - I can be still and calm (rather than panic) when I am in the Dark or feel the movement of the moth.  

I am now Home in my Self - and I can take that with me wherever I Am - I have all of my Strengths and Resources - when I am at Home in my Self I am in My Yellow Heart - I Am Love, Light, Truth and Peace - this is my Soul's Home, in the quietness I feel the rising of Spirit, I am in Connection with God.  When I am Home in my Self I can see that I am the Butterfly, I am the Moth, I am All.

Choice and Commitment

I've been having a lot of Dreams lately - they seem so real that I wake up in a daze.

The other night I had this Dream that I was getting married and I was trying to do this dance routine, like a show, and I wasn't marrying My Man.  The Dream was just on me, I did not see the groom in the Dream - and yet I had such a strong feeling of sadness that My Man wasn't the groom.  In the Dream I just wanted to be slow dancing with My Man.  When I woke up, I was so relieved to see that it was a Dream and that My Man was sleeping next to me.  Phew!!!

This morning I had another strange Dream that was very confusing.  I had a very restless night, I was up and down all night, feeling very sick in the stomach.  When I finally did get to sleep I had this Dream that I was going to ring up sick and in the Dream I couldn't work out who I had to call.  I couldn't work out if I was at school, I thought I was in Year 7 and that I had to ring a Teacher, then I had this fear in my stomach that I was in Year 12 and better start studying for the HSC, and then I realised I was working and I couldn't work out where I worked and who was my boss that I needed to call.  No wonder I have had a headache today.

I always love the words of wisdom and quotes that I receive every morning and yesterday I received these quotes
- “Take the world as it is, not as it ought to be." – German Proverb –
- "Instead of trying to change the world into what it ought to be, accept it as it is, instead of trying to change who you are into who you ought to be, accept yourself as you are. Then you will realise that the parts of your life and yourself that you had been trying to change into what they ought to be were only the parts of yourself that you had not yet loved the way you ought to love.  The UNIVERSE"

These quotes allow me the freedom to be okay with not feeling 120%.  Today in feeling at about 60%, I allowed myself the opportunity for Self-Care.  I gave my Self permission to have a sick day off work and rang my Boss.  I take the Commitment of my work seriously and yet when it comes to Choice and Commitment for today, I choose to Honour my Self.  I enjoyed the opportunity to crawl back into bed and slept for a few hours.  I feel so much better after sleeping.

And then I had another Dream.  My Soul is definitely sending me messages.  I had a Dream that My Man and I had a disagreement and then he left and then I called him only to find that he didn't pick up the phone, he must have bumped the phone and so I could just hear him in the background.  In the background he was buying an airline ticket and I didn't know where he was going and he couldn't hear me, and I was yelling out and he still couldn't hear me.  I was also relieved to wake up from that Dream by My Man ringing me to see how I was feeling.

I'm still feeling less than 100% and I'm okay to just be real with how I am today.  I am also learning to be in relationship and in love in the everyday and in the realness.  We had such a fantastic day on our engagement and I am a woman in love and I can also say that this is a Choice and Commitment that I choose to Honour, even on the days when we are both feeling less than 100%.

I have baggage from my Past, given that I have been married before and engaged another time.  I have had almost had a fear of whether I could take this big step again.  And yet when I have uneasy feelings of my Past, I see an image of boxes that are all packed up and I remind myself that I can leave the boxes closed.

This is my chance to Design my Life.  And I am glad that My Man is the one in my life, the one in my everyday.  I'm glad that my recent Dreams are not Dreams come true - if anything they made me feel terrible at the prospect of not having my Man in my life.

It was great when My Man got home from work.  It was great to go for a walk outside together.  I love being outside.  This is my medicine.  I love walking out by the beach and we are delighted to see the moon over the ocean - what a beautiful sight - the sky is a pinky blue colour.  At this time I wished I had my camera to capture the beauty.  We take a moment and capture the beauty in our mind's eye.  By the time we get home, the sun has set and we look back and see the glow of the full moon.  I just love being outside.

Another positive part of my evening was also running to an old friend from school - he is now married and due to have his first child any day now.  One of my favourite parts of living where we do, is running into people around the local Community.  I love being in Connection and Conversations.

As I reflect on today I wonder what Archetypes naturally came into my world today.  I definitely felt my Sage this morning when I made the decision regarding Self-Care.   I love having my Sage as a Resource.

My Sage activated my Caregiver Archetype - choosing to give Care to my Self.

I also reflect on the questions - What has changed?  What I am consciously applying in my day?  I feel that I am bringing myself back to the Present moment and out of my mind by consciously bringing in the image of my Yellow Heart.  If I am triggered to go into my Past, I am able to bring in the image of boxes that are packed up and this brings me back to the Present moment, rather than wasting mental or emotional energy on my Past.  I am also able to be Present and Real to what is, in my own feelings and in my relationship.  This is allowing me the opportunity to sit still in the moment.

I am happy to love and be loved at a deep level - to feel the bond at a deep level.  In my Heart, I have such a strong sense that there is nowhere else I would rather be - I have a sense of being at Home with My Man.  And it is also a Choice and Commitment that I make on a daily basis, in the sunshine, in the rain, on cloudy days, when flowers are blooming.  My Mum and Dad have been married 42 years and I have such great role models of Marriage and Commitment.  I am Grateful for my Man and I am very glad that we can both be real.  I especially love holding hands with My Man - it is the small things that are the BIG things.

Today I am Grateful to be able to go out walking with my Man, I am Grateful for extra sleep, I am Grateful for peppermint tea, I am Grateful for My Man making me dinner, I am Grateful to enjoy the beautiful sight of the full moon.  I am very Grateful that my Dad came home from hospital.  And I am Grateful that I can sit in the Space of not feeling 100% Fantastic.   And I am Grateful that I am learning to hold the Paradox of Dark and Light.

Holding The Paradox

There is so much that I am learning.  There is so much that I am wanting to apply in my own life and as areas to bring into the Consciousness of my Coaching Clients.  There is so much that I am naturally applying in my own life and I love the opportunity for Self-Reflection to see what is working and new opportunities for growth.

Often it is just the Awareness and the bringing into Consciousness that can create HUGE Shifts.  For me I have been Consciously bringing myself into a State of being Present (more often, most often), being more in Body, and less caught in my Thinking or Feelings.  Being in my Body is my resting place - and from here I am Guided by my Intuition.  When I am resting in my Body, being Present, I feel that I am in my Soul's Home, My Yellow Heart.  The image of My Yellow Heart always brings me back to this place.  When I find myself Overthinking or getting caught up in the Past or be in my Worrying Shadow - I bring in the image of My Yellow Heart, and I come back into being Present in the Now.  This Awareness and Consciousness is changing my life.

In this place of My Yellow Heart, I am able to experience and enjoy Holding The Paradox.   This is a new Concept for me, so simple and so Powerful.  I can hold the Dark AND the Light.  It is no longer about quickly shifting from the Dark to the Light, or just staying in the Dark, or there being just Dark OR Light.  When I am Holding The Paradox, it is not about 'but', it is about using the word 'AND' - using it from a genuine, felt sense, heartfelt place.  When I am Holding the Paradox, I am in Balance - there is one hand Holding the Dark and one hand Holding the Light.  In My Yellow Heart I am Grounded and I am filled with Spirit, I am in my Strength and Authentic Power and Truth.  I am not just saying the words I can have a strong sense and feeling of Holding The Paradox.

In my Life I feel comfortable Feeling into my Emotions, being Present to my Emotions.  By Being in my Body I can feel at a gut level what is real for me, not what I Think I am Feeling.  And as I sit in my Emotions, sometimes sadness or pain, I can also Hold the knowing that there is Light and Joy.

I am Holding The Paradox in many Areas of my Life right now.  Paradox defined -
" A seemingly contradictory statement that may nonetheless be true: the paradox that standing is more tiring than walking."
- "An assertion that is essentially self-contradictory, though based on a valid deduction from acceptable premises."

I can be in pain and sadness AND feel Happy and Grateful.  I can feel a sense of isolation and aloneness AND a strong sense of Love and Connection.  I can feel a sense of being stuck AND know I can take a step and start to move.

By Holding the Paradox, I do not feel distressed or weighed down or overwhelmed.  Especially when it comes to my loved one - right now I am Holding The Paradox of concern about my Parents and my Man who are all sick AND believing that they are getting the care and medical attention that is required and the Love and Light from me.  By Holding The Paradox I do not waste mental or emotional energy that does not serve me or serve the situation - instead, I can be fully Present to what is needed on a day to day, needs by needs basis.

I am Holding The Paradox that I am not earning as much money as my previous Management Career AND I can Trust and be Excited that I have found my Lifework as a Coach.  

I am Holding The Paradox that my work Monday-Wednesday does not make my heart sing and does not utilise all of my Strengths and Skills AND I am Grateful to work close to home and be busy in my job without a feeling of stress.

I am Holding The Paradox of there is so much still to learn and embrace AND I have learnt and grown so much.

I am Holding The Paradox of feeling less fit and not being able to run AND I can enjoy Walking and Yoga and a more relaxed pace of exercise.

I am Holding The Paradox of feeling I have so much to organise in my Home and garage and clutter to clear AND I am taking steps every day to create a Happy Home.

I am Holding The Paradox of day to day living with my Man and whatever that brings us in our day AND the Excitement of a deep and loving bond and wonderful times for our Future.

I am Holding The Paradox of being tired AND energised with all of my Dreams that I want to fit more into my day.

By Holding The Paradox I am Holding and Acknowledging the realness and the Truth AND I am also Holding a Light, Holding and Acknowledging being Grateful, holding Hope, holding my Dreams.

I can be Present to both Light AND Dark.  I can Hold both Light AND Dark.

In this Space of Holding both, I am neither Light or Dark.  I am at Peace.  In My Yellow Heart I am Love and Light.  And from this Space, I can draw in my Sage, my Wise Self.  My Sage is my Resource, infused with energy of God and Spirit, filled with rays of energy, helping me for my Highest  Good.  My Sage is Present when I am Acting, Speaking and Being in Wisdom.  While I am Still when I am Holding The Paradox, my Sage can help guide me towards my Next Steps.

And in my Purpose to Spread The Yellow, I am Holding The Paradox of:

- I am only one AND still I am one
- I cannot do everything AND still I can do something.

I am Holding The Paradox of wanting to rush out and get busy with Action and 'To Do' Lists AND  allowing space, living in the flow and trusting the Universe to show me the way.  I am asking God to show me the way and show me how I can live my Purpose to Spread The Yellow each and every day in the big and small ways.  By Holding The Paradox, this allows me more mental and emotional energy, more freedom, to be in the right Space to Love and Serve others.

And now it is time for me to wash up - one of the simple ways I can Spread The Yellow in my Home (since my Man hates washing up).  And then time for bed - Self-Care.

Pollyanna's Optimistic Attitude

One of my favourite childhood movies is 'Pollyanna'.  I love this movie and I was excited to recently buy the DVD and watch it on Sunday. 

I love that Pollyanna, the star child of the movie, transforms the Community through being in Connection  one by one, where she is Positive and Bright and Happy.  We learn of 'The Glad Game' - where Pollyanna finds something to be glad about in every situation.  Pollyanna's Optimistic Attitude has a HUGE impact on the entire Community.  

For the last two years while I have been studying my Coaching, the Course has offered the opportunity for Self-Reflection and Awareness, which I love.  In the last few months, after studying my Yin and Yang, I have discovered a strong sense of Self-Love and Self-Confidence - and then in the last two weeks I have been in some doubt about my own Positive Attitude.  I have a knowing that feeling Happy, Bright, Sunny, Enthusiastic, Joyful, Excited, Grateful, Optimistic comes naturally for me.  And I have been in Self-Reflection that there is the potential in me to move away from the black or grey and paint in Yellow and I have been learning to just be "Present and Warm to What Is".  

And yet I now realise that I can sit with the paradox.  I can Be Present and in touch with what is real in terms of my feelings and felt sense, and I can also have a Positive Attitude, embrace my own Pollyanna's Optimistic Attitude and be Grateful for the blessings in my life.  This feels right for me.

Another favourite childhood movie of mine, and still a movie that I love, is 'Anne of Green Gables'.  I also loved the young girl in this movie - she is very bright and talkative and I love that she is so real and says how she feels and what is on her mind - she is very Honest and upfront with what is real for her in the moment.

As I reflect on these two favourite movies of mine and the qualities of Anne and Pollyanna, I feel I can embrace the realness of Anne and also Pollyanna's Optimistic Attitude.  

I have a real knowing that my own Optimistic Attitude is a Gift.  When I was seven, I met my Friend Julie who has a disability that makes walking difficult for her and means that she has spent most of her life in a wheelchair.  Julie is an Amazing woman, she is very Bright and Happy and I love that we are still Friends.  Growing up with Julie has made me appreciate that I can walk and run and makes me realise how lucky I am.  My Mum and Dad are also naturally Positive, Bright, Upbeat people and so it has also been easy for me to embrace this Attitude.  

One of my favourite passages is -

"The Optimist Creed
Promise yourself ...
To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person you meet.
To make all your friends feel that there is something in them.
To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.
To think only of the best, to work only for the best and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.
To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.
To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble."
Written by Christian D. Larson in 1912

Over the years my Optimism and Positive Attitude have served me well in my life, my relationships, my work. And yet I do not want to risk, painting a situation Yellow without tuning into what is real for me or others.  My Self-Work is teaching me that it is so important to Honour and Be Present to What Is.  My Unit block where I live is called 'Green Gables' - this can serve as a reminder to me to be real and Honour  and sit with my Truth - rather than just letting Optimism and Positive Attitude come in too quickly.

I can hold the Paradox in my hands.  As an example that is real for me right now - I can be honest and real and know that right now when I am working Monday-Wednesday I do not feel aliveness or that I am working in the field of my lifework and I can sit with those feelings.  And rather than just quickly disregarding these feelings I can continue to sit with this Awareness and see where this leads.  And in the meantime, I can  also Choose to Be Positive at work and give my best.  I can be Grateful that I work close to home and work with nice people.  I can also be Happy that with my casual work I have no stress or pressure and this means that I can have more energy to direct towards building my Business.  I am not disregarding my real feelings by colouring them with Yellow, instead I am  holding the Realness and Honesty of Anne of Green Gables in one hand and also holding Pollyanna's Optimistic Attitude in the other hand, so that I am still motivated at work and enjoy a happy day.