Psychoanalysis by DVD-R

Being a transient means that you can fall behind on technological advances that require one to have some form of geographic stability. Or, to put it more bluntly, you don't purchase big honking tech equipment when you live out of a car. I haven't owned a television or the up-to-date accoutrements of the visual/video medium for about five years. This doesn't mean that I don't watch the boob tube, I am not that evolved. However, when I indulge, I watch what is currently playing on any of the 200+ channels my current host's system might have available.

I know, my teenage nephew thinks I will walk into a Blockbuster and try to rent a VHS tape of Caddyshack II.

On my extended visitations over the last six months, I have noticed that nearly everyone, who is anyone, has gotten on the DVD-R bandwagon. No one but us Luddites remains a slave to the mundane scheduling of the network or cable advertising execs. At least one person in each DVD-R household as semi-mastered the intricacies of the new technology, so that now anyone can sit down day or night and view from their own pre-selected favorites list.

But beware of the technological backlash. On one of my stopovers I found weeks and weeks of The Biggest Loser and Bridezillas, not to mention enough Apprentice and American Idol to make you want to shove Donald Trump's hairpiece down Simon Cowell's throat. So here are my thoughts on committing your tv addictions to semi-public format.

First, I merely felt it might be embarrassing should your television viewing preferences become widely known, but that has been semi-true for years. Now, however, there is evidence to impeach your "only PBS and Discovery" channel lies. On deeper reflection I came up with even more potential uses for this tekkie evidence trail.

When someone comes into therapy, we need some basics about their life situation. Age, gender (if not obvious), martial status, educational level and, of course, the alleged presenting issues. I would also like some insight into a client's head, which I would like to get fast and dirty without their intervening avoidance behavior and obfuscation. And now I have it!

Bring me your DVD-R list. This will tell me more than fourteen sessions about your mother and why your spouse doesn't understand you. Your boss may be a jerk but you watch The Office. Your weight issues could have something to do with unending episodes of Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives. And you seem to be getting relationship advice from the Kardashians.

This new information could revolutionize the counseling and therapy industry but for now my advice to all of you DVD-R addicts out there: Learn to erase and do it now!

Sorry but your time is up. Please pay the hermaphrodite out front. See you next week.

Reality or Something Like It

[Content Disclosure: Reality Television, Guilty Pleasures]

Yes, I admit it I like reality television. However, I have both discrimination and taste; neither of which is to be found in the shows I like. The truth is I distain and have never seen most of the pseudo-reality squalor that passes for entertainment. Meaning: No Idol, No Amazing Race, No bitch-slap in the kitchen shows, No Survivor, No shows at all where some expert verbally abuses the contestants, and No shows with weigh-ins.

So you ask: What do you watch? Well I am the Poker Shrink, so I like the shows with massive psychological content. My very first favorite was The Osbournes. I have said before, when anyone tells me they come from a dysfunctional family, I tell them to buy the first season of the Osbournes, so that they might truly understand the concept.

For similar reasons, I really liked Intervention the first season and I sometimes still watch the first half of the show. The second half of each show, the actual interventions, are basically all the same: you ambush the evil, stupid, pathetic loser of a user, they resist, relatives cry while reading their heart-felt thoughts, the loser caves and goes off to rehab. Tedious. But the first half, where people with massive addictions allow cameras to follow them around while they stick needles in their arms, drink pint after quart of various beverages and gamble the rent, baby food and family jewels on some of the longest shots in creation. That part, I find fascinating.

Speaking of family jewels, the Gene Simmons Show was also a big favorite. Both because Gene is highly intelligent and incredibly greedy with almost no actual reflection on his part. Yet his kids have him read perfectly and actually get the opportunity to reflect on dad's addiction to money without him actually getting it. The playmate wife (Shannon Tweed) is the weak spot in the show but not so the playmates, playgirls, in my current favorite: The Girls Next Door.

Hugh Hefner's agreement to participate in the show was business genius and the progression and development of the project over four years has been incredibly interesting when you consider the collective IQ of the Girls is .. well .. above adequate. More on Hefner next time (unless life gets in the way).